Happy Valentine's Day, Beautiful!
You know what's crazy? I've never seen a date quite like February 14th. Sure there's something magical and awesome about the holiday seasons; or the reflective start of a New Year. But never before have I witnessed such a
D I V I D E
when it comes to Valentine's Day. We're talking 24 hours people! As ironic as it is for this to be the 'Day of Love', I've witnessed many men and women with (or withholding) emotions so polar opposite of its purpose.
On the right end of the spectrum, you have our 'blissfully happy couples', flaunting their love by showering one another with sentimental expressions on social media or showering each other with extravagant gifts. And if this is your category, there's NOTHING wrong with that! You + your lover should feel free (not obligated) to express your affection for each other however publicly or privately you see fit. But this post isn't for you, nor is it even about you (#noshade). We can table that topic for another time. This letter today is from the desk of the single friend.
We all know & have 'The Single Friend' in our lives - and I'm guessing if you're still reading this post, you might even BE that friend. The story sounds something similar to this:
Girl meets Girl Friend.
Girl and Girl Friend become Best Friends.
Girl Friend meets Boyfriend.
Girl Friend + Boyfriend become Best Friends.
Boyfriend makes Best Friend, Fiancé. Then the Wife.
Wife and Husband create Family.
...and they live happily ever after. Cute, right? BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO OL' GIRL FROM CHAPTER ONE!? *Cues TLC 'What About Your Friends' track* Over time, the dynamics of my friendships have shifted naturally, in the way life often does; much like the outline above. There's nothing wrong with this picture - I mean after all, we've been taught early on that its the Circle of Life. Hakuna Matata. The problem (at least the way I see it) is that there is no 'How To' guide for the Single Friend to fall back on.
When your bestie starts dating/talking to the 'Boyfriend', our obligation as your Friend is to vet him out and make sure he's equipped to be Mr. Right for our sis. Time goes on...they grow closer...get more serious...then *BOOM* - the brother is down on his knee and we prepare to make room in our lives for him + his new family to enter. Mo' People, Mo' Problems. As TSF, this is the part where things get a little hazy. I'm going to go out on a limb and say its because your Girl Friend has got to start preparing herself for a new normal, that's a little less about 'Girls Trips' & going out every weekend and more on 'Baecations' & joint bank accounts.
So what's a single gal supposed to do? #QuestionsThatNeedAnswers: Do you dead your bestie for a new clique of super single friends? What about scouring the streets searching high and low for a boo of your own to claim? Tried crying or complaining in a corner of contempt and isolation? NAH. NONE OF THOSE SOLUTIONS WILL WORK - at least not in your favor. What I'm about to suggest isn't rocket science, hell it probably isn't even the answer, Sway! All I know is I'm tired of TSF catching a bad rep, especially from OTHER SINGLE PEOPLE. The best way to attract what it is you want in life - especially your love life - is to focus on what's attracting it:
If you're a serial agamous (monogamously single) like myself and it's been a minute since you've been in the 'tango for two' game, do you know what you want your future relationship to look/feel like? Better yet, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE?! Before jumping into the next relationship, ask yourself: Have I allowed time to fully heal and learn my lessons from the one before? Now, I may not be a relationship expert or anything yet, but after years of studying human behaviours and patterns outside of a committed partnership, I was able to learn more about myself than ever before. Hear me when I say, the amicable friendships, business partnerships and love relationships we develop over our lifetime are critical in shaping our future. None is more important than the first and longest-lasting of them all. Knowing your values & love language, your do's + dealbreakers and even down to how much you truly enjoy spending time with other people (especially those with a completely different genetic wiring) are often overlooked. As a result, TSF is assumed to fall under one of these main categories: A) the 'lonely, bitter bitch', B) the 'one-who-can't-seem-to-keep-a-man' or C) the 'thottin-and-boppin-around-the-way-freak'. I don't see myself pigeon-holed into any of these categories, and if you're the Single Friend still reading, I pray you don't either.
The love and care you have for the main BIH that stares you back in the mirror will set the tone and precedence for whose energy is allowed into your space. PERIOD. So if you're having problems dealing with you - ALL OF YOU - don't expect someone else to come into the picture and 'fix' it, not even if they're paid to do so. Flowers eventually die and candy gets old, but what you're watering and feeding your soul is what makes you special. So special that you'll meet someone one day who can't help but take notice either. In the off chance you don't, think of how blissful it can be to travel the world, engrossing yourself in YOUR favorite hobbies and spreading that joy with EVERYONE you encounter, because its radiating from the inside - out. The possibilities are endless... Being single does NOT have to be a death sentence for being alone. It's just - different. As I walk through each season, transitioning with my friends, I'm learning more and more to be ok with different. Either #FutureHubz will be thankful for the time and effort I spent investing in myself to make sure he marries a one-of-one kind of woman, or I will live a life content with creating the woman I love to be.
Let's talk more on this topic later, girl. For now, I want you to tell me how you define the 'Single Friend'. Do you know her? Is she, you? What ways are you showing love to her this V-Day, and everyday this year? Check out the clip below + let's keep the discussion going via social media.